| MMT is an exciting new development in which | | | | explore this in more detail. Once you have |
| mindfulness is applied directly to help transform | | | | recognized a reaction and made it into an object |
| and resolve difficult emotional states such as | | | | that you can see and experience, then you begin |
| anxiety, fear, phobias, anger and other forms of | | | | to see the emotional reaction as an object to be |
| habitual emotional reactivity that affects the | | | | investigated and known in its own right, rather |
| quality of our happiness and the quality of our | | | | than getting entangled in the storyline of who did |
| personal relationships. | | | | what to whom or who is right and who is wrong. |
| Personal relationships provide one of the greatest | | | | The storyline may be very compelling and you |
| challenges in life and most of us will experience | | | | may feel very offended or hurt, but indulging in |
| difficulties with patterns of habitual reactivity | | | | negative, emotionally charged thinking is seldom an |
| triggered by our partner, our children or other | | | | effective tool for resolving emotional conflict. This |
| family members. Our buttons get pushed and we | | | | is the first function of mindfulness - learning to |
| become angry or upset, fearful or anxious. This | | | | recognize a reaction, seeing it as an object and |
| dynamic is based on learned habitual reactivity and | | | | not getting seduced into further reactivity. |
| both the perpetrator and victim are compelled to | | | | The kind of relationship that we cultivate in MMT |
| react, often against their better judgment. You | | | | is called the Mindfulness Based Relationship. This |
| may say something knowing that it will cause | | | | relationship has certain unique qualities. The first |
| offense, but are unable to stop yourself from | | | | and most important quality is non-reactivity. By |
| saying it. The victim also feels compelled to react | | | | learning to recognize reactivity, we can stop the |
| by taking offense and becoming upset or angry. | | | | tendency to proliferate further reactivity in the |
| These reactive dynamics take away our freedom | | | | form of reactive thinking, or further emotional |
| and erode the delicate and fragile nature of all | | | | reactions of aversion and displeasure. The second |
| relationships, making it hard to feel love and | | | | characteristic of the mindfulness-based relationship |
| compassion, leaving us bitter and contracted with | | | | is about opening our heart and mind and |
| a closed heart. | | | | developing a quality of genuine caring towards the |
| However, what has been learned through | | | | inner pain of our anger or resentment. Instead of |
| conditioning can be unlearned through mindfulness. | | | | turning away, we turn towards our suffering. This |
| The key to changing these repetitive patterns of | | | | does not mean that we indulge in feeling sorry for |
| habitual reactivity in both the victim and | | | | ourselves and certainly does not mean that we |
| perpetrator is to first learn, through practice, to | | | | indulge in reactive thinking. Rather, we learn to be |
| recognize reactivity in all its forms as it arises. | | | | fully present with our inner emotion with a keen |
| Reactivity depends and thrives on two principle | | | | level of attention. The third quality of mindfulness |
| factors: ignorance and emotional charge. | | | | is investigation. We turn towards our pain, we |
| Ignorance, or the unawareness of reactivity | | | | become attentive and then we take this further |
| causes us to repeat the reaction over and over | | | | step and investigate the deeper inner structure of |
| again, like a machine. The first phase of MMT is | | | | the experience. What seemed like the solid |
| primarily about learning to recognize reactions as | | | | emotion of anger or resentment begins to unfold |
| and when they arise and replace ignorance with | | | | into a complex interior landscape of subtle feelings |
| awareness. This is the first function of | | | | and memories and very often, some form of |
| mindfulness, the factor of RECOGNITION. Without | | | | experiential imagery. |
| this most basic first step nothing can change, but | | | | This is the fourth phase of MMT: |
| with awareness comes the possibility of change. | | | | TRANSFORMATION and RESOLUTION. The |
| Recognition is the beginning of the | | | | exact nature of what unfolds is unique to each |
| transformational process and often this skill alone | | | | person, but the effect of becoming aware of this |
| is sufficient to totally change the whole reactive | | | | inner detailed structure is highly transformational. |
| dynamic between two people. | | | | Often, beneath anger there is sadness and |
| The next phase of MMT involves changing how | | | | beneath resentment there is fear. These more |
| we view the reaction and associated emotional | | | | subtle feelings may give rise to further feelings |
| energy. This is called REFRAMING and is one of a | | | | and experience. During the process of |
| number of skills that is taught in the psychological | | | | transformation, emotions literally dissolve into |
| science of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and | | | | many small parts, which can be more readily |
| which is another chief modality used in MMT. | | | | digested and re-integrated by the psyche and our |
| Normally, (ie when we are unaware) we identify | | | | innate intelligence into something more stable. This |
| with emotional reactions and literally become the | | | | is the final step of MMT, called RESOLUTION. Any |
| reaction. When a reaction of feeling hurt arises, | | | | form of emotional suffering, or dukkha, as it is |
| we become the emotional reaction of hurting. | | | | called in Buddhism, represents a state of instability |
| Anger arises and we become angry. We say "I | | | | and conflict in the psyche. The psyche hates |
| am upset," or "I am angry" because we literally | | | | instability and will always try to resolve dukkha if |
| take on the entire identity of the emotion. During | | | | given the freedom to change. Mindfulness |
| reframing, we learn to stop this automatic | | | | provides the therapeutic space and freedom in |
| process of subjective identification and learn to | | | | which transformation and resolution can occur. |
| see the reaction as an object that is not self, but | | | | In this way, each person in the relationship works |
| simply a phenomenon that has arisen in our | | | | with his or her individual reactive habits. Each |
| consciousness due to various causes and | | | | learns to identify reactions, develops a |
| conditions. When the reaction of feeling upset | | | | mindfulness-based relationship with the underlying |
| arises, we learn to see it as an object within us, | | | | felt-sense of each reaction and then allows the |
| rather like seeing a bubble rising in a pond. The | | | | internal structure of the experience to unfold into |
| bubble is not the pond, but simply a small object | | | | finer detail leading to the transformation and |
| within the pond and the emotion is not our self, | | | | resolution of the compulsive emotional energy |
| but simply a small part within our self. After | | | | that makes us react against our will. When there |
| reframing the emotion, we learn to say, "I notice | | | | is freedom from reactivity, we begin to discover |
| a feeling of hurting within me" or "I notice anger | | | | new possibilities, new choices in how we respond |
| arising in my mind." This is a very important step, | | | | to the challenges of being in a relationship. The |
| because it counteracts the habitual tendency to | | | | process may be more complex than is explained |
| react and opens up a sense of space and choices | | | | here, but the underlying theme is quite simple and |
| around the emotion. | | | | it is about engaging with our experience, whether |
| The next phase of MMT, after RECOGNITION | | | | pleasant or painful with the faculty of mindfulness. |
| and REFRAMING is the most important step of | | | | If you can do this, then healing will proceed quite |
| forming a RELATIONSHIP with the internal | | | | naturally. |
| felt-sense of the emotional reaction. Let us | | | | |